I’m getting excited again!!!! But first to fill you in on the events of recent months because once again, its been a while. I won’t apologise, life sometimes just gets in the way.
On the surface of it, I guess things would look pretty boring really. Work continues to get busier and busier and I am starting to be able to be more choosy about what work I do, which I think is an enjoyable luxury whatever your job. I’m making all the money I need and enjoying the process. Got a new van so I must be taking things seriously! Emotionally I feel very content and settled. The family are well and I feel as though I am fully fulfilling my roles within it. I’m enjoying that too! This is exactly what I needed from my year off from Forest School.
Time is so under rated in our society. I think we are all in a bit too much of a hurry to fix things and make things better. We seem to expect to be able to make change in an instant. Sadly, my mum had to put her dog of 19 years down last week and it has broken her heart. As any caring family member, I am desperate to help her feel better and I have been trying to think of things to do and say that will help. The truth is that it will just get easier and better with time. My words and actions may help steer her to the road to recovery but whatever I do, the process will just take time.
I liken taking a sabbatical year to ending an unhealthy relationship with a partner. That’s not to say that I see my time at Forest School as unhealthy or in any way negative, quite the opposite. My relationship with it though wasn’t always healthy. So why is it like a relationship break up? Because they can both cause you damage. Nasty relationship break ups can leave you wounded and understandably not wanting to put yourself in that situation again. I know people who have chosen to be single because they were significantly hurt in a previous relationship. It isn’t worth the risk of exposing themselves emotionally again. Well this is how I have felt about Forest School. Again, nothing wrong with the Forest School, just my relationship with it. I gave too much to it at the cost of other things in my life that I should have put before it. At times I became obsessive about work because as I have mentioned in previous blogs; you can never give enough. The job is never done. As I reflect on my time there I realise how much damage I allowed it to do to me. I have finished relationships in the past and looked back with the same realisation. So, for now I don’t want to take the risk of going back or for that matter, doing anything for work that I really, really care about. Yes, I realise how unhealthy/sad that sounds but I’m not foolish. I understand that I should and will want to take the risk again in the future. Time though, is important and I haven’t had enough. I am damaged and until I’m fixed I’m all good doing what I’m doing. For this reason only, I have decided not to return to my Forest School job and hand in my notice (and I thought taking a year off was scary)! The decision did trouble me for a long time but when I broke it down and got rid of all the rubbish (rubbish being; pensions, sick pay, kudos, regular pay etc) it was simple. I am damaged and until I’m fixed, I’m good doing what I’m doing. Its that simple. I have full faith that all I need to do is continue to reflect on the way I feel and give myself time. After all, its working.
Although!!!!! Things seem to be on the change! I am starting to get excited about things again. Its coming back! If I’m honest, I have to say that in the last 3 or 4 years of Forest School the excitement had gone. My passion for making a difference wasn’t really there. I did a job for a client a month or so ago who spent the day with me and we chatted about all sorts. Like me, he is a deep thinker and believes in making a difference. This day, although I had no idea at the time, was significant. Since that job my brain has been picking up speed and I can feel my passion returning. I have no idea what for yet but I just know its coming. In the last week I have come up with a new venture/business idea every day all to do with making a difference for people. I’ve got butterflies while writing this. I’m excited because I know something good is coming.
Opportunity is everywhere, you just need to have your eyes open to it. I think that there is a significant shift coming in the way that our society works and operates. The answer to so many of our societies problems is to establish better communities that work for each other. People are crying out for it. There is so much experience, knowledge and skill that we are not utilising from all areas of our communities. Why aren’t children helping old people learn how to use the internet? Why are we not allowing our children to tap into the huge wealth of experience that their elders have?
There is increasing mistrust of large organisations (including governments) and I believe we are ready to start looking closer to home for things that we all need. I want to be part of making this happen and its giving me the same feelings that making a difference to vulnerable young children gave me over 18 years ago.
So, in summary. Time is good. It allows us all to sort our own problems in the way we need to sort them. Many of you will read this and feel as I would have; “I don’t have any time”. My answer is simply, make time.